Confessions of a Pinko Liberal Islamo-Fascist

I surrender. You got me.

I believe in peace, so I must be a liberal. And only a pinko Communist would care about feeding the poor and actually suggest sharing the wealth. Or at least not hogging it all.

And I must be an Islamo-Fascist too. I mean, I wear a scarf, pray five times a day facing Mecca, and obey my husband. Gasp! And I consider myself to be a member of the worldwide "organization" we call the Muslim Ummah. I look forward to the time when Muslims will again be ruled by a caliph, and I believe in unity among Muslims. Does that qualify me yet?

If not, tell me what I need to do. I wanted to get onto Nixon's enemy list, but I was too young. I think my phone is being bugged, but I'm not sure. How far do I need to go to get some attention around here?

Oh, I know. I practice jihad. When I pray on time, wear my scarf even though it's uncomfortable, or keep myself from yelling at the kids even though they are driving me crazy. All of that is jihad. I'm struggling to do what is right. I don't always succeed--getting up on time for the morning prayer has been a losing battle this summer--but I try. Does that count?

And I even wrote a book about military jihad. All about how it's really uncool to kill civilians, poison wells, or destroy trees. It says so in the Qur'an and hadith.

The truth is, though, that there are so many of us out there who support peace, oppose poverty and corporate greed, and want to clean up the environment. Many of us struggle on a daily basis. And a very large number of us are outraged at what passes for rule of law these days.

So in spite of my efforts I'm afraid I'll just be another face in the crowd.