Who Benefits?

I'm still on vacation, but as I sit here in my Florida motel room and listen to the reports on CNN I feel I must make a statement.

On many points I haven't agreed with Benazir Bhutto. However, her assassination has left me also shocked and disappointed. I'm also deeply troubled as I try to understand all the forces at work here.

I don't believe Bhutto's assassin was a single mad gunman. There are too many other forces at work. I know the pieces, but I don't yet know how they fit together into the puzzle.

These are the facts:

1. Bhutto presented a serious challenge to Musharraf

2. Musharraf, who seized control of Pakistan several years ago, has repeatedly received endorsement from the current administration. He is one of America's favorite dictators.

3. Bhutto indicated in an email that Musharraf was her greatest threat.

4. Even though the Pakistani public has pointed to Musharraf as the force behind Bhutto's assassination, these claims are being ignored.

5. Instead, the emphasis has swung to blame of Islamic "extremism." Throughout the evening CNN has run a special program about the dangers presented by Muslims in Pakistan.

6. And don't forget that Pakistan has a nuclear weapon. This has been brought up repeatedly.

I don't know how people will treat me tomorrow when I go out and about. I expect a change in attitude. After all, I'm an "extremist." I pray five times a day (three while traveling) and wear a head scarf. My husband wears a kufi. I guess our headwear makes us dangerous.

Who has benefitted from Benazir Bhutto's assassination? The Pakistani people? Muslims throughout the world? Or people who would like to seize control of Pakistan, wresting power from its Muslim citizens?

For the last several weeks, American pundits have discussed the need for change in Pakistan. This is their opportunity. And I don't believe in coincidences.

Enjoy!

I won't be posting for the next two weeks. (Did I hear a cheer in the background?) Eid ul Adha starts on Wednesday and after Eid we plan to travel a little.

I don't think you'll be spending as much time on the internet, either. The kids are off from school. That in itself will keep you busy. And either it will snow so hard you'll be struggling to stay warm or the weather will be unseasonably warm and you won't feel like hanging around the house.

When I was in elementary school we thought it was a great joke as we told our friends, "I'll see you next year." My humor appreciation level has improved since 6th grade, but it's still a nice thought. A new start.

I'll see you next year, insha Allah.

Who's a Racist?

While browsing CNN headlines I noticed a story about Oprah. Apparently she's being blasted for her support of Barack Obama and even being called a racist.

So it's okay for white people to support other white people but it's not okay for black people to support other black people?

First of all, I don't even see the Obama campaign as a "black thing." I'm about as white as a person can be and, personally, I think Barack Obama is the most promising of the mainstream candidates. He has energy and ideas and insight and he won't bully and bluster his way through one crisis while he's creating another. I believe he has integrity--a very rare commodity among politicians.

Anyway, I am sick of all the personal politics being played. We are searching for the next leader of this country, and most of us are sincerely hoping we get someone who can do the job this time. Does gender matter? (I won't support Hillary just because she's a woman--and I would never ask anyone for support on the basis of my gender either. That's still sexism.) Does race matter? Does religion matter? (I am sick and tired of hearing about how a Mormon can't run this country. My only beef with Mitt Romney is that I lived in Massachusetts while he was governor and he seemed to spend most of his time outside of the state, setting up the support for his presidential candidacy.)

Let's grow up. Forget about race. Forget about religion. Forget about gender. Can the person do the job?

And I think the racist is the one who faults Oprah Winfrey for supporting a candidate who happens to be a black man.

Tragic Contradictions

The newest child health care bill was vetoed today. In defense of his action, Bush contended that government health care should not extend to adults nor to those who are not desperately poor. The ideal is for Americans to pay for their health care through private insurance companies.

Do you really believe that, Mr. Bush? You're an adult and far from poor. Why do you receive government health care? The same can be said for Cheney, for the entire executive branch, judicial branch, and Congress. How can you deny to children and struggling adults what you yourselves take so freely? How is that democracy?

There may not be enough money for government health care but Congress is poised to allocate another 70 billion dollars for the war in Iraq--no strings attached. Apparently this country is not in the business of living but of killing.

A tragic murder of a teenage girl occured outside of Toronto. She got into an argument with her strict Muslim father about wearing a headscarf--a hijab. He became irate and strangled her.

I wear hijab and if I had a teenage daughter I would surely hope she wore it too. The hijab is modesty and identity. Also, I am sick of the American media portraying uncovered women as educated and progressive while we poor covered women are, apparently, ignorant and oppressed. Excuse me?

But the father waited too late to teach his daughter. My husband has worked in Islamic education for 22 years and he can tell you that you don't tell a sixteen-year old to wear hijab. You tell a seven year old, a ten year old. She grows up with it and it won't be strange to her. Ah well. It's too late for both the father and the daughter now.

Debating Torture. Why?

Torture saves lives, the White House says. In a CNN poll, over 50% agree that torture is sometimes necessary.

How can we say America stands for freedom and democracy?

It's Monday

My blog is always hardest to write on Monday. It's not for lack of ideas but simply lack of discipline after the weekend. What are my options?

There's the whole White House vs. NIE thing. Iran does not have as much as a program for developing nuclear weapons. There is no reason to attack. But that's yesterday's news.

There's the disappearance of CIA tapes. The White House has no comment on this one. I wonder what was on those tapes. We do not torture. . .do we?

There are the three recent shootings, one in Omaha and two in Colorado. To be very honest, I know many Muslims were relieved that the people involved were named Robert and Matthew rather than Ali or Osama. But the shootings were wrong, and tragic, and we are not relieved about that.

And there's the ice storm. It's hitting Kansas City right now. I lived in Kansas City during the ice storm of 2002. We went an entire week without electricity--huddled in front of the fireplace, all sleeping in one room, cooking only during the day because it was too dark at night. On the final day before our lights turned back on I had to go back to work--the school where I taught had also been in the dark. Coming home at 3:30 or 4:00 and trying to get a meal together before sunset taught me something. I understand why women did not work outside of the home until they had electricity.

So I guess there is a lot to talk about. But it's Monday. By tomorrow I should be warmed up. (Very warm, actually. They're predicting temperatures in the 60s. I am so glad we moved south last summer.)

'Lost Boys' and 'The Muslim Scare'

First, a word about Robert Hawkins. You know, the 19 year old who killed eight people in the mall yesterday. I don't excuse criminal behavior, but I can tell from a cursory reading of Hawkins' teen years that he was a lost boy. His parents were divorced. He had troubles with his stepmother--which is not uncommon, especially for a thirteen-year old. (Many thirteen-year olds have trouble with their birth mothers.) A day after turning fourteen he was placed in a mental institution. The charges were, along with his threats to his stepmother, that he had a short attention span and he was disruptive. He was barely fourteen! He was pretty much an average teen--maybe a little on the wild side, but not a delinquent. Not yet.

In the mental institution he was molested by a roommate. He was placed on antidepressants. When he arrived at his foster home in 2001 he curled into a fetal position. This kid was seriously in need of love and caring. Apparently he did not get it from either of his divorced parents, or from their current spouses.

Teenage boys can be rowdy, disruptive, disobedient, untrustworthy, lazy, unfocused. I've seen many boys who fit that description but, with the right adult love and guidance, grew up to be responsible, caring, hard-working men. Robert Hawkins didn't get what he needed from the people who brought him into this world. He decided to take other people with him when he left.

Parents, please take care of your boys.

* * *

One more note. A Clinton campaign worker has been fired for promoting the idea that Barack Obama is a Muslim. The way the story was worded, Muslim sounded like a dirty word. "Are you or have you ever been a Muslim?" Let's not go back to the McCarthy era. I know a Muslim wouldn't stand a chance at getting into the White House, but most of us are just normal people living boring lives. (Ask my kids how truly boring their Muslim parents are.) I was born during the Red Scare. Are we headed for the Crescent Scare? Please.

Where is the Danger?

Shortly after the 9/11 attacks, President Bush made the statement, "You are either with us or you are against us."

Most educated people realize the world cannot be divided so simply. Gray areas abound. If I am opposed to Bush's plans in Afghanistan and Iraq, does that make me a terrorist? Some people would say so. Fortunately that number is decreasing as the reasons for invading Iraq are shown to be weak and the efforts of Afghanistan are falling short. And is Osama Bin Laden still alive? Some don't think so.

Most of life is gray, neither black nor white. That's what makes living such a challenge. If the correct answers were always obvious, fewer of us would make mistakes. Different factors enter into the picture, though, clouding our vision.

There are absolutes. My absolutes may be different than yours, but here are some of them: God exists and is actively involved in our lives; Murder is wrong; Forms of murder such as war and abortion are wrong; Murder of the spirit, seen in practices such as racism, are also wrong; Marriage should usually (though, admittedly, not always) last a lifetime; Parents must respect our children and children must respect our parents (no matter how old we are).

But I also think there is no us and them. We all have the capacity for good or evil. That's a choice each of us must make. Choices come at us not just once but many times over a lifetime.

The danger is in the choosing.

Dangerous?

Iran has nuclear weapons and may attack at any time, threatening the stability of the world.

Iran has the ability to develop nuclear weapons and may soon begin development.

Iran had a nuclear program but stopped pursuing nuclear weapons in 2003.

Throughout the months the mainstream media's reporting of the Iranian threat has become increasingly milder, culminating in yesterday's hopeful announcement.

That didn't stop the White House though.

In a speech delivered today, Bush said, "Iran was dangerous. Iran is dangerous. Iran will be dangerous."

I'm glad to see he's mastered verb tense. I wonder how soon he'll be ready to grasp political theory and historical fact.

Senator Biden today called Bush the most incompetent president in modern times. He just now figured that out?

Not All Bad

There's plenty wrong with the world. But, as of tonight, all of my kids are working and/or in school, I was able to do some serious writing today, and the teddy bear teacher is back home safely.

Whatever is bad will be just as bad tomorrow. At least there's something good to report.

It's Just a Teddy Bear!

I followed the news today, saddened when I learned that a Sudanese judge had convicted the teacher and sentenced her to fifteen days in jail and deportation. The saddest statement came from one of her students, named Muhammad. "It's my fault," he said. He wanted to name the teddy bear after himself.

This incident concerns me on three levels (not counting the six and seven year olds affected). First, Muslims need to stop thinking of ourselves as victims. Muslims have been oppressed in places throughout the world. However, much of that could have been avoided if the Muslims living there had banded together. In every instance of oppression, there has been at least one 'Muslim' who sold out and betrayed his community. If we are victims, it is of our own disunity.

Second, I'm concerned that some Muslims are coming close to worshipping Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). When he was alive, at the beginning of his mission, Muhammad often was mistreated by other, non-Muslim, Arabs in Mecca. His response was always kindness, not vindication. Muslims respect and deeply honor Muhammad, but we must be certain not to cross the line over to worship. That is definitely not Islam.

Third, I hope that countries such as Great Britain and the U.S. don't use this incident as an excuse to go after the Muslims living there. Will Muslim teachers now be fair game? I hope not. We had nothing to do with what happened thousands of miles away. But some people still hold on to the notion of guilt by association.

Over the years, I have been very impressed with the Sudanese people I've met. I'm disappointed in the government, and especially in the judge. I don't speak Arabic but I'm smart enough to know that this is not Islam.

Muhammad

Muhammad is the name of the last prophet of God, according to Islamic belief. He received revelation of the Qur'an over a period of 23 years, led the young Muslim community with wisdom, and left behind teachings to guide future generations. He is respected, though not worshipped, among all Muslims.

Muhammad is also the name of millions of men and boys throughout the world. Some are devout and sincere. Some aren't.

Muhammad is the name given by Sudanese 7-year olds to a teddy bear. Some of the children may have been named Muhammad. Others may have fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins with that name. All Muslim children, by the age of 7, have heard about Prophet Muhammad and the respect he is due.

They didn't name the bear after a soccer player or TV star. They didn't go with Fluffy, Chubby, or any other cute little name. They--these 7 year olds--gave the bear the name they knew the best. Muhammad.

The Christian teacher allowed the 7 year olds to give that name. Now the teacher is in prison, facing a prison term, a fine, or even possibly a lashing.

I am a Muslim. If I were teaching 7 year olds and they wanted to name the class teddy bear or hamster Muhammad, I would praise them for their Islamic awareness. After consideration, I may encourage them to choose something else--maybe one of those cute names. But I certainly wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

The teacher's fault, if any, is that she didn't understand the repercussions. Maybe if the children had suggested "Jesus" she would have known. But she didn't. Then why don't we teach her instead of imprisoning her?

And the children were innocent. They were only doing what their Muslim parents had taught them--to remember the prophet Muhammad, whom we respect. For a 7 year old, naming a teddy bear is indeed an act of respect.

Between Parent and Child

Last night I was too tired to post. The day had been fairly busy.

One of my errands yesterday was to take my 14-year old for a physical check-up so he can go out for track and field. Because we just moved this summer I had to take him to a new doctor. Overall, the check-up went well.

But I was surprised--though I suppose I shouldn't have been--when the doctor kept harping on drugs and alcohol. He asked my son a few times if he had ever tried these substances, and before we left he told my son that if he did have a problem he could come to the doctor and speak with him confidentially.

I don't know what kind of patients this doctor has been seeing, but I'm not in denial when I say he didn't need to address my son in this way. This is my fifth child I'm talking about so, first of all, I do have a little experience raising teens. Also, we have a very close family. My kids complain about that sometimes--especially when they hit 19 or 20--but we're so close that we would know if something was wrong. And, considering that neither my husband nor I has ever drunk or smoked--okay, I drank communion wine when I was a Christian, and I did try a cigarette once when I was in college--and our older sons don't either, the likelihood that this son will is very low. Finally, he's only 14. I know kids grow up faster these days but. . .he's 14.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I know where my son is at all times. I've memorized his class schedule, and actually walked it during open house. He goes to school and comes back by bus. If he doesn't show up, the school calls me. If he doesn't come home on time, I call his cell. A few weeks ago he took a different bus and wasn't home when I expected--and he didn't answer his phone. I was ready to go looking for him when he walked in. He knows I will. (I wasn't worried about drugs, etc. Sometimes I simply worry because it is a dangerous world.)

I'm sure the doctor was fulfilling a professional duty by giving my son this talk, and he may do some other kid a world of good. But I feel uneasy when a routine doctor's visit becomes a lesson in morality--especially because my son was encouraged to go behind our backs, if he deemed necessary, and talk with the doctor.

I don't fault the doctor but I do think this points to some serious problems in our society.

P.S.--I have never talked about drugs explicitly with my kids, but my 14-year old and I talked on the way home. His health teacher had already been through the lesson on drugs--okay, I didn't know that. Actually, I emphasized the practical concerns that kept me away from smoking, alcohol and drugs. I mean, it's expensive and it kills brain cells. That's enough of an argument right there, as far as I'm concerned. My son agrees.

Thanksgiving Day?

Culturally and historically speaking, Thanksgiving is controversial. And of course we should give thanks every day and not just one day a year.

But the best part, I think, is taking a day off to be with people we care about. We could use more days like that.

Keeping Track of Time

I nearly forgot to post tonight. All day it's felt like Friday. My husband and my kids are home. It's great to have some time to simply be.

This is one of those days when I didn't care about the date on the calendar or even the time on the clock. It's a great feeling to be free.

Not Islam

I've been pained as I've followed the story about the 19-year old girl in Saudi Arabia, a rape victim, who is to be punished with lashes and imprisonment. I need to make one thing very clear for my readers. This is not Islam.

The girl did show some poor judgement. She met a man who was planning to blackmail her over a picture. Not the smartest thing to do. I don't know how secluded the area or the time of day, but I do have the sense that she unknowingly put herself in danger. Young girls sometimes do that. I did, a few times. And I probably would have done it more often except for the watchful eye of my parents. My parents aren't Muslims and I grew up in St. Louis, Missouri, but, unforunately, there are some universal truths regarding safety for young women. The crime of rape can happen anywhere.

So the girl did something wrong. Not evil, just not particularly wise. I'm sure the rape itself is more than enough punishment for her foolishness. She learned her lesson all too well. Leave her alone unless you intend to help her heal.

The seven young men who raped her, on the other hand, should receive the maximum penalty. The girl's lawyer was calling for execution, and I agree. Instead their sentences are not much harsher than the girl's.

This case proves the accusation that Muslims oppress women. The sentences in this trial are very unfair. But even though Muslims are the ones making the decision, this is not Islam. I don't care that they speak fluent Arabic or have studied Islamic history for twenty years or that they've memorized the Qur'an. I'm not a scholar, but I know this decision is not Islam because Islam makes sense. What sense is it to punish the victim?

According to the Qur'an, the fornicator or adulterer is to receive one hundred lashes. The woman whose reputation is tarnished because of a certain circumstance is to be treated with compassion and her accusers are to be punished. That is Islam. Islam does not condone rape or punish the rape victim. That is man's law, not God's.

Who's Taking Care of the Kids?

I grew up in a golden era for children. As a member of the Baby Boom Generation, I was one of the privileged. TV shows and toys were manufactured especially for us. We could play outside all day, ride bikes or throwing balls, with no fear of being kidnapped. We didn't have to worry about food tainted by chemicals or the threat of terrorist attacks. There was the possibility of a nuclear attack from the U.S.S.R., but most of the time that threat was far-off and unrealistic. Not all kids had it so good. There was still poverty and child abuse. Still, overall, it was a great time to be a kid.

This fall has not been very kind to children. Bush vetoed their health insurance bill and Congress failed to override the veto. School bus accidents and abandonments on school buses seem to be a weekly occurence. And on Saturday children were forcibly vaccinated. Children who already are required to have more shots than my generation ever was.

Have you ever read the ingredients they put in vaccines? Animal blood. Formaldehyde. MSG. One list said they use aborted human fetal tissue. That's what we're injecting into our children. The needle is the least of their worries.

That's one of the challenges childen face. They also suffer because we expect them to grow up too fast. Sometimes, tragically, they oblige. Three boys--ages 8 and 9--raped an 11 year old girl recently. There is something very wrong in a society where this kind of thing can happen.

Accessibility

There's another debate tonight. I plan to listen to at least part of it. But I have a beef.

We're one of those rare American families without cable or satellite TV. We can afford to pay for it, but where's the sense it in? A couple months ago someone called trying to sell me a satellite TV system. He offered 80 channels. I said we're too busy and we can't watch 80 channels. So then he gave me a quote for 40 channels. I repeated that we're too busy to watch that much TV. I'm not sure if he ever understood what I was saying. Of course, I could have hung up on him but I did telemarketing when I was in college and I know what a tough job it is.

So we have a run-of-the-mill TV, the kind that probably won't get a signal in a couple of years, and we receive the networks, PBS, and local access. But the presidential debates are always carried by CNN. The only way I can watch them is online. And frankly I have other things to do on my computer. I'm trying to decide how long I'll want to listen to a string of political rhetoric--which is nearly impossible when I'm trying to write a novel.

I hope next year's debates are carried by major networks. They need to be accessible to everyone. Not just those who are rich enough, or willing to go into debt, to get CNN on TV or online.

Or are we really the last family in the country without cable or satellite TV? My kids think so.

What should I write about today? O. J. Simpson and Marie Osmond are both in the news. I could pontificate on the O.J. Simpson trial, offering my own analysis of the evidence, or I could pry into Marie Osmond's personal life. Maybe I should offer my own opinion on the world's sexiest man. (My husband, of course.)

I could talk about the war veterans for peace who were silenced in a Veterans' Day parade. Then there's the increase in the number of foreclosures and the devaluation of the dollar. Should I resurrect the controversy on Barack Obama's lack of a flag in his lapel? I never did talk about the unholy union between Pat Robertson and Rudy Guiliani. And there was an earthquake in Chili today. Is that important?

Maybe I'll just lock my doors, pull down my blinds, throw away my cell phone, trash my laptop, and close my eyes. If I do that, do you think it will all go away?

Religion

Over the last few days I've managed to get into a few online discussions about religion. They've all be stimulating. I often didn't agree with the other person's point of view, but I don't think there always has to be a resolution. Sometimes it's fine to just disagree.

Throughout the day today I've noticed responses to the latest CNN poll about praying for rain. The clear majority doesn't believe it. I find that also interesting--especially since I now live in the Bible belt and spent the weekend traveling down highways and seeing crosses at least every ten miles. Obviously, some people do believe.

On Saturday I spoke with a Muslim woman from Jamaica. Her family is Christian. I asked about atheists and agnostics in her country. She said there were none until a few years ago. That really made me wonder.

What is it about faith and belief which appears to be backward? Is it because of the rich evangelists who do not practice what they preach? Do Catholic pedophiles or Muslim suicide bombers have anything to do with it? Or is that all an excuse?

My faith shouldn't depend on the deeds or misdeeds of someone else. I believe in Something greater than that. There are bad people in every religion, and there are bad people who have no religion. Sometimes outwardly religious people do bad things--I interpret this as a personal failure rather than an indictment of the system.

Don't talk about religion, they say. Lately it seems that's all I have been talking about. And I'm surprised at the anti-religious tendencies (outside of the Bible belt, that is) I've seen.

It does take faith. But so does getting up in the morning. Otherwise we might as well just pull the covers over our heads and continue to sleep.

Honor?

Veteran's Day. Formerly Armistice Day, held to commemorate the official end of World War I at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

No mail came today. The government was on vacation. I imagine some other people were too, though none of the schools were closed.

There were sales. It was supposed to be a day of shopping, celebrating, and flag waving. A day to celebrate and relax.

But I have a question. If this day was meant to celebrate veterans, how were the veterans treated? What about the soldiers in the field? Were they off today too?

Though I'm vehemently opposed to war I was taught to respect veterans. Some of my uncles fought in World War II. My father was sent to Korea. None of my cousins went to Vietnam though--they all found a way out.

Respect veterans by giving them proper medical care. By helping them deal with the psychological traumas of war. By assisting them in the difficult transition to civilian life.

Have you been to a VA hospital recently?

Flags, parades and fancy speeches mean nothing.

A Long Day

I'm in Virginia for a conference. We drove. It has been a very long day. Oddly, after a 500 mile drive, finding the hotel was much more difficult than finding the city.

Have a good weekend.

Use Sense, Not Scents

Tonight I'll leave political events to the politicians (which is probably not a good idea) and dwell on personal matters.

I have a real beef with a large percent of the population. You know who you are. You burn scented candles throughout your home. You spray Febreeze on every available surface. You use scented soap, scented shampoo, scented lotions, scented deodorant. Then you douse yourself with perfume or after shave before leaving the house.

Enough already. Oliver Wendell Holmes said his freedom to extend his arm went so far as the other fellow's nose (or something to that effect). My nose is deeply offended. And it goes beyond that. When I'm exposed to scents my gums bleed, I become tired and irritable, and my face becomes puffy. I also have brain fog and my lymph nodes swell, sometimes painfully. And I'm not alone. The number of people who are sensitive to scents is growing. Some workplaces and schools have banned them. None of the places I go to, unfortunately, have.

You need to be clean. You don't need to smell like a perfume factory. Think about that next time you start dousing your home, your car, and yourself.

Oh, and if we cross paths you will definitely recognize me. I'll be the woman frantically trying to avoid you.

Busy Day

I spent most of the day in parent-teacher conferences. Then I voted. Now I'm tired. Very tired.

Goodnight.

Technology

I just wrote the post for this blog. Unfortunately, it went to my other blog. I'll leave it there because I've had enough wrangling with technology these last few days. I (almost) completed making a new website. Whew!

You can check out the website at www.jamilahkolocotronis.com. And you can check out tonight's post at echoes_series.blogspot.com.

When I was young, tape recorders had reels and so did movies. TV shows were in black and white. When I wanted to communicate I dialed the number--no texting. And I had to type my papers on a manual, sometimes redoing whole pages because I failed to leave enough room at the bottom of the page for footnotes.

There are people older than me who know computers better than I do, but I think the fact that I'm able to blog (with only occasional errors) and even put together a website should count for something.

Disappointing?!

Pervez Musharraf, the Pakistani dictator and American ally, has suspended the constitution and declared martial law. Supreme court justices, who opposed him, have been arrested. The White House called the situation "disappointing." Condoleeza Rice said it was "highly regrettable."

Are these the same people who deposed Saddam Hussein in the interest of democracy?

It's too bad Pervez felt he had to exercise his powers over his country. But I guess the White House figures he must have had his reasons.

They Should Know

I just learned Steve Colbert has lost his opportunity to run in South Carolina's Democratic primary for the presidency. A spokesperson said Colbert would "make a mockery of the election."

Interesting. I guess the big-named politicians don't want to share the mockery label. I mean, the presidential election of 2000 wasn't a mockery, was it? The Supreme Court has the right to choose the president. Doesn't it say so in the Constitution? It doesn't? Oh well. It must have been an oversight.

And then there was the presidential election of 2004. The last I read, Ohio never did report a truly accurate ballot count. And John Kerry conceded before anyone had a chance to contest the accuracy of the election. I remember that well. I was living in Massachusetts at the time and had hoped to make the trip into Boston for his victory party. Oh well.

Let's not forget the congressional elections of 2006. The Democrats carried the day. We anticipated a change in the status quo. But it's been a year after the election and nothing has changed. In fact some things are now worse. They couldn't even override the veto on child health care. Not to mention measures they've passed upholding wiretapping and funding the failed Iraq war. Yeah, we had a real change in 2006.

Let's forget about the Democratic process and instead use a democratic process. Let's throw out the Republicans so we can save our republic.

It's time for someone to show what a mockery both parties have made of this country.

Still Fed Up

This has been a horrible week for me to try writing a decent blog. Maybe I'm not feeling very peaceful. At least not when I look at the headlines.

More than half of what I read or hear is about Iran--either for or against war, the failures in Iraq and Afghanistan, the persecution of the Palestinian people, or unethical behavior by our so-called leaders. There doesn't seem to be much to be happy or proud about, at least not on the national or international scene.

My son's school went on a field trip today. They went on a hayride, saw farm animals, ate apple cider doughtnuts, and generally had a great time. There. I just reported something peaceful.

Muhammad said there will come a time when the best people can do is to live in the mountains and take care of their families and their goats. I think that time is fast approaching.

A Classic Truth

I've been very busy these last few weeks and I think it's catching up with me. Right now I can barely keep my eyes open, so I'll keep this short.

Give peace a chance.

Still Hoping

Sometimes I look in the news for topics to discuss in this blog. Sometimes the news headlines are so aggravating or so depressing that I would just rather not even think about what's going on the in world.

Like the immunity granted to Blackwater. Or the decision by California's governor to allow cloned meat into the food supply. Or any time I read about another case of child abuse. A man in Lexington was recently arrested for abusing a 6 week old baby. Nine months to carry and wait for the child. Six weeks to lose him.

But I won't talk about these things tonight. I'm fed up.

I am still looking for peace, and finding it here and there. If there were no peace, and no promise of peace, I don't know how I could wake up tomorrow.

"Playing With Fire"

No, today's blog isn't about the wildfires in California. It's about something much more frightening.

The star of this show is the United States government--the White House, to be specific. Supporting roles are played by Iraq, Iran, and Turkey, and the Kurds, with cameo appearances by Russia and China, Syria, and Lebanon. The role played by Israel is debatable, depending upon your point of view.

Two wars don't seem to be enough for this administration. There is very serious talk about a third. They keep talking about Iran. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Syria was thrown into the mix. And of course there's Lebanon, where Hizbullah--a recognized political party--is determined to defend against Israel (again, this whole question is debated, often loudly).

While the White House disses Iran and imposes new sanctions, Turkey makes a move into northern Iraq against the Kurds--who did, after all, launch a raid into Turkey earlier this week. This unwelcome development is being blasted on all sides.

Ooh, I shouldn't use the word 'blast.' This is what scares me. All these players are poised and hungry for conflict. And then of course there's Pakistan, which is a powder keg within itself because of the U.S.-backed dictator, Pervez Musharraf.

When I teach about World War I, I emphasize, as do most social studies teachers, the danger of entangling alliances. The situation we have now is more one of entangling enmities, most countries out for their own good and the rest of the world be damned.

World War I began with a single bullet. I hope that moment stays relegated to history books. Meanwhile, I'm holding my breath and praying. Often.

Who's to Blame?

I've read discussions on the internet about who caused the fires in California. Apparently some are trying to insinuate that the fires were caused by terrorist attacks.

Interesting. If terrorists were involved, they certainly weren't practicing Muslims. The unnecessary destruction of property, including trees, is forbidden. Killing by fire is also forbidden in Islam.

There's the whole discussion about whether this is an act of God. I believe it was. I can't say the flames were sent down to punish anyone. That's not my call to make. What I can say is that nothing--including these fires--can happen unless God allows it. I have been in enough near-accidents--caused mostly by my own carelessness--to know that God can and does stop bad things from happening. Or sometimes He allows it. And I could engage in a debate about this to last a year, but it all comes down to faith. Even you got it, or you don't.

So why did the fires happen? The only reason I can say with certainty is that government officials, both local and national, ceased to take the threat seriously. The local government proclaimed the end of the fire season. The national government decreased funds for wildfire prevention.

Beyond that, I can't say. Does it really matter?

More of the Same

It rained all day today. That's the first time I've seen this much rain since arriving in Lexington back in June. Hopefully, we're approaching the end of the drought and Kentucky will be green again.

Meanwhile, more houses and businesses have burned in southern California and more residents have been forced to leave their homes. There's no end in sight until at least Thursday.

Fire and rain. Like east and west, they represent extremes. And life is still very, very interesting--which is not always a good thing.

Fire and Rain

I remember when the weather was simply a trivial way to conduct a conversation when there was nothing else to say. Nobody talked about the weather much when I was growing up, not unless they were bored.

Now the weather has pushed its way into our everyday lives. The seasons no longer follow a predictable cycle. Yesterday it was 80 degrees down here in Kentucky--warm even for the south in late October. We haven't needed to worry about turning on the heat yet, though that could change this week. Who knows?

We have finally had rain, after months of drought. It rained most of the day today and we hope for rain throughout the week. I also hope the rain reaches northern Georgia, where things seem to be especially rough.

My sister came to visit last week. She lives in southern California. They haven't had rain for a year. They have had fire. Now they have more. The last I heard, the fire was still "0%" under control.

These are trying times. I hate to think what winter can bring. Last year here in Kentucky there was no snow at all, I hear. But I was in Milwaukee, where temperatures plunged to 20 below. (That's not counting the wind chill.) I shudder to think of it.

These are very trying times.

Privacy?

The most interesting story I read today was about the arrest of a woman in Pennsylvania. Apparently, she was cursing at her overflowing toilet. While I probably wouldn't curse in that situation, I can certainly understand the sentiment.

That should be the end of the story. But her bathroom window was open. A neighbor, an off-duty police officer, heard her cursing and told her to stop. She didn't. He arrested her for 'disorderly conduct.'

The woman was not standing outside. She was in her bathroom. And don't tell me puritanical Americans are too innocent to hear the curse words she uttered near her window. The same words are on TV and in the movies.

The right to privacy isn't enumerated in the U.S. Constitution, but it has been implied and is applied to rulings on abortion. This woman didn't want to get rid of her unborn child, she only wanted to rid herself of frustration over the flooding toilet.

When will the U.S. go back to being a democracy?

Crusade

Palestine. Occupation. Checkpoints. Armed soldiers firing on rock-throwing teens.

Afghanistan. Occupation. Continued fighting. Increased opium. Civilians killed. Countryside destabilized. Endless war.

Iraq. Occupation. Continued fighting. Ruined infrastructure. Civilians killed. Nation destabilized. Civil war. No end in sight.

Iran. Nuclear power. Saber rattling.

Who's next? Syria? Pakistan? Sudan?

The Crusades began in 1066 with a speech by Pope Urban II. They have never ended.

Well. . .

It's been a long, busy day and I'm tired.

So. . .Eid Mubarak!

Appreciating Truth

A much-maligned former president spoke up today, affirming what most of us already know. Members of the United States government do sanction and carry out torture, in spite of the recent White House denials.

Jimmy Carter wasn't the most successful president, but I do think he has been the most successful former president. He has used his experience and wisdom to speak out against lies and injustice.

He is still maligned. Fortunately for the rest of us, that doesn't seem to stop him.

Another Small Kindness

It's such a simple thing, yet meaningful.

This morning we had a short rain shower. Soon after the rain began falling one of our neighbors came to the door and rang the bell. I was surprised when I opened the door and he told me that it was raining so I'd better close the car windows.

When I was young, this is how neighbors were. I haven't seen neighborly kindness like that in over thirty years.

Muslims believe in the importance of small deeds. I'm sure the man at my door this morning does too. And I am very grateful to have such nice neighbors.

A Senior Moment

I mentally wrote this blog at least three times over the weekend. Something would happen, like Bush's statement on torture or the shooting deaths in northern Wisconsin, and I would think about my Monday blog.

However, I had a long and busy day today and all of my wonderful thoughts have disappeared. So please accept my apologies. And next time I'm inspired, I promise to write something down somewhere.

Interesting

Over three thousand miners were trapped in a mine in South Africa yesterday. All were safely rescued. The U.S. has lost miners in several accidents over the past year--probably not more than 30 overall, but in many cases none could be saved.

I wonder why.

Scrooge Would Be Proud

"Let them die and decrease the surplus population," said Ebenezer Scrooge. That's the only rationale I can see for this morning's veto of a health care plan for children.

I could write volumes about today's veto, and I'm sure volumes are being written. But I find it hard to know what to say. The decision was so obvious to nearly every American citizen and a majority of Congress. That didn't stop our own Ebenezer from robbing American children of health care.

I am sick of living like this. I want a divorce. I'll accept impeachment.

He Was Right

Five years ago, Barack Obama spoke out against the war in Iraq. His voice was one of the minority. But, as it turns out, he was right.

Iraq is a quagmire. The Iraqi people are much worse off than they were before the arrival of U.S. troops. American casualties continue to rise (though at a slower pace, war supporters announced gleefully yesterday-- it doesn't matter if one soldier is killed, not if that one soldier is your son). Terrorism, whatever that is, has increased since the beginning of the war. Have I left anything out? Oh yeah. Depleted uranium poisoning. Cholera. Where's the good in this war?

Or any war, for that matter. Wars are fought by the young to satisfy the greed of the old. And in this case, the old did not fight when they were young. They had other obligations.

I won't promote a political candidate on this blog. But we could use a little vision in the White House.

Peace is Dangerous

I've come to a startling conclusion--an epiphany. They were right. The National Guardsmen who shot and killed four students at Kent State University. The Washington D.C. police who arrested hundreds during the anti-war march last month. All the unsung heroes who, largely unappreciated, performed their jobs diligently to save society from a tremendous evil.

Peace is dangerous.

It's sounds ludicrous, I know, but just think about it for a moment. What about all those anti-war demonstrations? Do you realize how much of a hazard to public safety they caused? All those demonstrators on buses, converging on a single city. Imagine the potential for road accidents. Think of the bus driving alongside a compact car on the highway. The poor family in the compact car doesn't have a chance. They could have been crushed.

And all those people left their homes for the weekend. What if their homes had caught fire, possibly burning down whole neighborhoods? They should have stayed home and taken care of their properties.

And I shudder to think about the large crowds in D.C. during the demonstrations. There could have been a stampede. Imagine, also, the wear and tear on the streets and sidewalks. Who is going to pay to repair those?

Even worse, imagine that the demonstrators succeeded. Think of the defense contractors. They're family men. What would happen to their children? Would they be denied health insurance because their fathers were unemployed? Would they go hungry? They may become violent, bringing guns to school and joining gangs. Has no one considered this?

And what of the soldiers? If they weren't in Iraq and Afghanistan, they would be here in the U.S. They would be driving cars, creating a greater likelihood of accidents. They may even be playing ball with their kids. Think of all the broken windows. Someone might get cut on the glass.

We must be thankful for wars. They feed the defense contractors' children, decrease the U.S. population, and keep our young people out of gangs.

Think of it. George Bush is a genius!

Moral Restraint

I grew up in a culture which promoted it. My parents did also, so by the time I went to college in the carefree days of the 70s I had internalized it.

Moral restraint was the enemy in those days. Sexual freedom was encouraged, replacing the ancient standards of earlier generations. From George Carlin's take on dirty words to the new movie-rating system, moral barriers were being challenged. They fell one by one.

Islam promotes moral restraint, and parents who are raising Muslim children are often seen as dinosaurs from a repressive and long-forgotten era. No dating. No alcohol or drugs. Some Muslim parents don't allow TVs in their home and won't let their children see movies or listen to music.

It's hard for the children, of course, to grow up in homes so different from the American norm. Some conform. Others rebel. I think the reaction has more to do with the personality of the child than with the success of the parents.

Ramadan is a time of special restraints. No marital relations from dawn to sunset--pre-marital and extra-marital relations are never allowed. Many families turn off the TVs. Some Muslim families may go to the movies during Ramadan, but I've never met any.

I understand moral restraint because it was part of my childhood. The rules of Islam don't seem so strange to me. It is definitely harder for the younger generation. But they learn. And later, when they're grown, they appreciate the discipline.

Muhammad advised Muslims to be in this world as if you are strangers. I know we do seem very strange. But there's nothing wrong with that.

I just wish mainstream American society still followed the values of my childhood.

Government Restraint

Iran does not allow the open practice of homosexuality. Neither does any other Islamic society I know of. No religious society has, in the past, condoned this. But let's not forget about Iran. This country is being villified for that stance, among others.

We forget that there is government restraint in the U.S. of A. also. I don't have to mention the recent tasering incidents. What about the bill passed by Congress today? In spite of overwhelming problems, both domestic and foreign, Congress took the time to formally censure MoveOn for their ad attacking the policies of General Petraeus. What will happen if Congress allows newspaper ads to run amok? Imagine the chaos.

The report on homosexuality in Iran noted that conversations there are tapped by the government. So are conversations here. Yesterday I read about the ability of the FBI to listen in through a cell phone even if it has been turned off. That sounds very familiar to me. Where did I read about something like that? Was it 1984?

The best government, I believe, is the government which restrains little. Moral lines must be drawn, of course, though these days it's hard to know where to draw them. Freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, freedom of assembly, and freedom to petition the government--these are the freedoms which are innate and inviolable.

I have really heard enough of the pot calling the kettle black. Maybe it's time to step back and rethink the rhetoric.

National Restraint

As of Sunday, I will have been a Muslim for 28 years (on the lunar calendar--a little over 27 years on the solar calendar). Maybe that's why I can't understand what's happening to my country.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the elected president of Iran, has come to visit the U.S. on official business. Throughout his visit, from the White House to Columbia University to the late night talk shows, he has been villified and demonized. I don't understand. No matter how much we Americans may disagree with him, he is still our guest.

In Muslim culture, the guest has many rights over the host. Even a guest the host is not fond of should be treated with respect. I'd forgotten that there were people who didn't think this way.

As I said yesterday, I am embarrassed. We pretend to be a civilized nation, capable of leading the world. But we fail to show simple basic good manners. One Iranian citizen has said this proves that Americans are still cowboys. I can't fault him for thinking that way.

Where is our dignity? Where is our restraint? Is there nothing left?

I was born during the Eisenhower administration. I was in grade school when President Kennedy was assassinated. For those first seven years of my life, I witnessed a country of graciousness. Those seven years were enough to teach me how people should live.

I thank God that our current administration wasn't in charge during the Cuban missile crisis. Because the president at that time was a wise and thoughtful man, I had the chance to grow up.

Embarrassed by Lack of Restraint

I was embarrassed to be an American today. Mahmoud Ahmedinejad was a visiting head of state and deserved to be treated with respect. The comments of the president of Columbia University were by far the worst, though they were supported by an inflammatory headline and a large demonstration.

Americans have often done a good job of demonizing the "other." From Kaiser Wilhelm, who allegedly ate babies, to Saddam Hussein, whose soldiers allegedly knocked over incubators (this story was later shown to be false), we turn our enemies into evil incarnate. It's hard to make my fellow citizens stop thinking in terms of black and white--and in this they are always aided by a rabid media.

Amid all the hysteria and hype over today's visit by the president of Iran, I was happy to find some words of wisdom and restraint. This quote is from Rabbi Weiss:

"It is always our pleasure to visit with President Ahmadinejad. This will be the third such meeting, in addition to our many visits to Iran in the past. We have each time emphasized to the Iranian leadership that, despite media hysteria and the statements of some misinformed Jews, we have found the Iranian people and their leaders to be friendly and respectful.
"Likewise, although we as Jews are not to be involved in politics, (According to Jewish law, Jewish people are required to be loyal citizens to the countries wherein they reside), We have found the Iranian President to be a deeply religious man, dedicated to a peaceful world, based on mutual respect, fairness and dialogue.
"Judaism seeks peace. Unfortunately, there are some Jews today, influenced by the barely century old, philosophy of Zionism, who feel that the proper Jewish response to enemies, be they real or fantasized, is aggression and calls for violence and unfortunately attempts to drag other nations down the path of war.
"It is sad that so few have actually attempted to speak to the Iranian President or seek the true opinion of Iranian Jewry who live in peace and practice their faith throughout that nation. We have met this man who has demonstrated time and again that he is sincerely interested in the well being of Iran's Jewish community and has deep respect for world Jewry and their Torah faith, The Zionist attempt to socially isolate this man and his people is immoral and disastrous.
"Zionism is antithetical to Torah beliefs. It believes in creating our own sovereign entity which is expressly forbidden due to the Divine decree of exile. This ideology leads to aggression against nations and is incarnated in the State of 'Israel.' This State continually oppresses other people in the name of Judaism and the entire Jewish people. This movement has exacerbated anti Semitism throughout the world. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad understands this distinction between traditional Judaism and Zionist distortion.
"We view our approach to Iran as a model for all Jews and all mankind. The Torah is the Almighty's blueprint of mercy and justice for all creation. We have followed this modal in our dealings with the Iranian President and found in him an individual dedicated to these same ideals. There is much to be gained by talking and listening and everything to be lost by raising the rhetoric in the direction of war. The grave tragedy of our era is the inordinate power garnered by Zionism, whose acceptance of force as the only means to reconcile conflicts, has influenced some to abandon Torah fundamentals. We hope and pray that they too will adopt the traditional Jewish approach of dialogue, respect and reconciliation.
"War is a horrible thing. The dark clouds of a future conflict are now on the horizon in the Middle East. Torah Jewry hopes and prays that this may yet be averted."

I know there are Muslims who will object to me quoting a Jew--any Jew. That's their problem. We need to get past these sandbox disputes and start to really listen to one another.

Restraint and "Political Correctness"

Political corectness has taken a bad rap, and for a good reason. Sometimes it works. Too often it's simply an excuse to manipulate others into seeing things your way.

Like with this whole Petraeus blow-up. I agree with the general's detractors, and with all those who oppose the war in Iraq and the rosy picture painted by the administration. I remember a time when political disagreement was not only allowed but expected. Now it's somehow unpatriotic. When did this happen?

Or the decision to bar Ahmedinejad from visiting "Ground Zero." First they complain when Muslims don't seem to care about 9/11--though that has never been true. Then they bar a Muslim leader from caring too much. Isn't there a middle ground?

In this aspect, Muslims definitely have it right. Self-restraint is the best. I can't dictate what you do with your life, and if you're not my kid I don't want the added responsiblity--as long as you're not harming yourself or someone else. You restrain yourself. I'll restrain myself. We'll both mind our own business. The world will be a much more peaceful place.

More Imposed Restraint

I planned to discuss self restraint this week, in connection with Ramadan. But imposed restraint keeps rearing its ugly head and cannot be ignored.

In principle, I agree with social restraint. It will never work though. Not in the United States of America. Not unless the lawmakers passed stringest legislation with dire penalties to physically force conformity.

This country is not like others. I lived in Thailand, for instance, where everyone drinks coffee the same way--with heavy cream and sugar. In Thailand, conformity is a way of life. It's easy to convince the populace that it's impolite to point their feet and it's much worse to insult the monarchy. Thai people accept restraint willingly, and often with a gentle smile.

But the U.S. was founded on rugged individualism. This is our heritage. We are descended from hundreds of countries and ethnic groups. Often we are more different than we are alike. And conformity must be imposed, but even that doesn't work. Not really.

I've already discussed the university student who asked the uncomfortable questions. What about the congressman who noted the lobbying power of AIPAC? It's not a secret, but he has been criticized for saying anything about it. If he's not careful, he could lower himself to the ignominy of Jimmy Carter, the former president who believes there can and should be peace in the Middle East. How dare he?

The media can shout and scream and the radio talk show hosts can rant and rave. In the end nothing will be changed. You cannot impose restraint on the American people. Not yet, anyway. Not ever, I hope.

Holding My Tongue

I've practiced avoiding slander and backbiting, and I'm pretty good at that--not perfect, but not too bad. I've never been a name caller--I was the kid who was called names in grade school--and I don't make a practice of arguing loudly (though, if you ask my kids, they may admit that I'm capable of such a terrible act.) I try to control my tongue. I don't always succeed.

My greatest challenge comes when I see injustice. It's Ramadan, and my husband has told me once already that he only wants to hear about good things this month. He was right, but that was hard. And when I saw that video yesterday it became impossible.

There are rumors floating around (backbiting, anyone?) about the character of Andrew Meyer and whether he deserves any sympathy for being Tazed. That is entirely beside the point. He is a human being who had something to say. If some people think he was annoying, well, so what? Can you imagine arresting people just for being annoying? There wouldn't be anybody left.

The point is that someone's freedom of speech was violated. Freedom of speech is an essential right--an inalienable right--which cannot be or should not be taken away. In the United States of America, people are not to be arrested and electronically shocked simply for stating unpopular opinions. Without the freedom of speech, the USA will become just another police state.

I will restrain my tongue when I need to. I will not accept the right of anyone else to restrain me.

We have freedom of speech in Islam too, by the way. I can choose to backbite, slander and call names. I just have to be ready to live with the consequences, in this life and, most importantly, in the next.

Restraining Speech

During Ramadan, Muslims are reminded to practice self-restraint in terms of their speech. Gossip, backbiting, arguing, and other harmful speech is discouraged. In fact, the fasting from food and water has little effect if someone cannot control his or her tongue.

This is a good reminder. Gossip and backbiting are harmful, and sometimes very easy to fall into. The fasting person has an extra incentive to speak only what is good and practice self-control in terms of the rest.

Muslims must control our own speech. That's a very different concept from controlling the speech of others. It's one thing to remind a child to use good manners when speaking. It's another to enforce a ban on speech because of politics.

At the Emmys, Sally Fields made a strong anti-war statement. I listened to that part of her speech as it was aired on Canadian TV. Americans weren't allowed to see it. Her speech was censored.

In Florida, a university student asked John Kerry why he conceded the 2004 election so quickly. (I was in Massachusetts in November 2004 and I've always wanted to know that too.) Police suddenly appeared and began leading the student away. He struggled, of course. Who wouldn't? More police came. Eventually he was tasered into temporary submission.

Backbiting and gossip are banned. Not free speech. Since when did anti-war statements and questions about fair voting practices become illegal? In the United States of America?

Self-restraint is good and admirable. Government restraint is tyranny.

Unity in Fasting

Muslim unity is one thing that scares some non-Muslims. The concept of a world-wide ummah rallying together is sometimes misrepresented as a global conspiracy of terror. It's not nearly that complicated.

We sometimes call each other brother and sister. We know that if one of us is in trouble, others will come running to help. Even if they don't know this. Our family once had a car accident in another city. The hospital chaplain called the Islamic center, and another family came forward to take care of our basic needs.

Most of us do hope for a khalifah. We've had some in the past, but none recently. The khalifah is a leader and advisor who keeps us together, not a warlord calling out the troops.

Unity is a central tenet of Islam. We are united in prayer, all Muslims facing a common direction and praying in a common language. We are united in our basic belief of the Oneness of God and the Prophethood of Muhammad. And we are united globally in our observance of Ramadan. Each country, each area, adds its own cultural flavor to the month, but we all fast together for a common cause.

Unity isn't something to be feared. It's something to be desired.

Ramadan Peace

Tonight, at sunset, Ramadan began.

Muslims believe that the night comes before the day. So, even though the first day of fasting is tomorrow, the month has started. We also believe that Ramadan brings a calm over the world.

What? Calm? Are you crazy? Are you telling me killing will end and there will be no more road rage, no more spousal abuse, no more chaos for the next month?

I wish I could say that. Ramadan brings peace, but humans are still entitled to resist peace and choose rancor. Killing won't end--though fighting may lessen. Abuse won't stop--though a few may feel shame. Chaos won't screech to a halt, but it won't reign either.

I've always thought it interesting when I hear politicians or new commentators equate Ramadan with violence. A true Muslim fasts from dawn to sunset and says special prayers during the evening hours. A true Muslim strives to read the entire Qur'an during this month, and come to understand the words better than before. Believe me when I say that a true Muslim is much too tired to go around hatching plots of murder and mayhem. Hypocritical Muslims can pretend to fast, skip their prayers, and plant enough explosives to kill innocent people. Every religion has its hypocrites, but that doesn't reflect badly on the religion, does it? People are people.

True Muslims find peace and personal growth during this month. And even on Eid, the day when the fasting ends, they may be too tired to celebrate with fanfare. But they will never regret this month of serenity and renewal.

Fasting in the Desert

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. {2} After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. {3} The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." {4} Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4.1-4

I was still very young when I learned of Jesus' fast. Forty days and forty night--much longer than Ramadan. As a small Protestant, I was taught that fasting wasn't necessary for regular people. At that time I had never heard of Islam.

Man does not live on bread alone. A much-quoted phrase which is often taken out of context. I was more fascinated by the temptation itself. My teacher emphasized that when we felt tempted we should imitate Jesus and say, "Get thee behind me, Satan." (We were studying from the King James translation.)

Jesus fasted. Many Catholics fast in some way or another during Lent. Buddhists fast. Ascetics fast. And Muslims fast. It's not such an amazing concept, really. Fasting helps toward self-restraint and also leads to a greater spiritual awareness.

Muslims who fast also face temptations, by the way. Try watching television when you don't want to think about food.

Fasting in the Qur'an

"O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that you may (learn) self-restraint." Qur'an 2.183.

I became a Muslim during the month of Ramadan, but the practice of fasting was hard for me to grasp. It was August in Missouri and going without water, not to mention food, from about 4 am to 8 pm, was extremely difficult. My first full Ramadan, a year later, was much better--and I still consider that to be my best Ramadan, unfortunately. After the kids came along, I began to lose some of my concentration.

Self-restraint. That's exactly what I've always found in Ramadan. Looking at a water fountain or food in the refrigerator and leaving it alone. That was especially difficult when my kids were little, and not fasting yet, because I had the habit of eating their leftovers. I hated throwing all that food away.

All of my children fast now. It's relatively easy for most of them. My little guy has the hardest time, but he's 12 and old enough. I don't know if I'll fast this year because I still have some health concerns. We'll see how it goes. If not, I'll have to find other ways.

I grew up Protestant and we never had to fast. Until the day I became a Muslim I couldn't imagine it. But I've done it for many years, and on Thursday we plan to begin again. A new Ramadan.

Self-restraint. Not everyone who fasts has it, but everyone knows he or she has to work for it. No backbiting or arguing. Can you imagine?

There are many non-Muslims throughout the U.S. who fast at least one day during Ramadan to understand how it feels. What if everyone in the U.S. practiced self-restraint, even for one day. Wouldn't that be nice?

The Hardest Job

I may be biased--of course I am--but I think mothers work harder than anyone else. Even fathers. According to Muhammad, the mother deserves three times the respect and honor of the father. One commentary I've heard on this is that the mother carries the child, gives birth, and (often) nurses. Talk about labor intensive.

The problem is that most people don't really appreciate their parents until they themselves become parents. That's how it was with me.

The thing about parenting is that it never ends. It begins with the moment when the pregnancy is discovered and continues until death. Hopefully the parent dies first.

Being a parent doesn't have any monetary gain--not unless your kid becomes rich and famous. But there is no better job.

Good Deeds

Assuming you believe in heaven, what do you think you need to do to get there?

Is faith enough? Are good deeds important? What about good intentions?

This is one of the main disagreements between Muslims and Christians. Is it faith or good works? Paul said faith without works is dead, but John wrote that belief was the most important. Are these statements contradictory, or do they complement each other?

Muslims believe that good deeds are the most important, but these deeds must be accompanied by good intentions. A verse in the Qur'an says, Woe to the worshippers who worship to be seen by men. Prayer, fasting, pilgrimage mean nothing without the proper intention.

I think there's an order to these components. First comes faith, which is followed by good intentions. Good deeds--the best deeds--are built on this foundation.

Can a believer simply sit back and rest on his or her belief system, expecting great rewards after death. No, I don't think so. You have to be willing to work for it.

Paycheck or Mission?

I have a son who has started applying for his first job. He's been reluctant to put in applications at fast food places. He wants a job which, he says, makes an important contribution to society.

I admire his sentiments, but I'm trying to talk him out of his attitude. When he's older, I hope he has that intention. Now, I tell him, he just needs to get out into the workplace and start saving money for college.

Some people work all their lives for a paycheck. This is noble in itself, especially when it's done to support a family. Others, though, are fortunate enough to work for a mission or a passion.

I quit teaching five years ago because what had been a passion became simply working for a paycheck. I started writing, which is my truest passion. Though there's not much money in it yet. I'm still hoping to find a balance.

It's not easy, is it?

Hard Work

It isn't 'just a reason to take a day off. It's an important value. Societies are built by those who struggle and give their contributions, in one way or another.

I'm always dismayed when I encounter lazy people. Unfortunately, there are those who put in the least amount of effort, and don't care to strive for more. They're everywhere--in every workplace and many families. I've worked hard to teach my sons that laziness is not tolerated.

It may sound cliche, but hard work builds both character and self-confidence. Everyone benefits.

And, of course, there is a time to relax. That's what today was all about, wasn't it?

Why War?

The greatest assault on life is war. Politicians convince young men, and women, to sacrifice their lives for freedom. Meanwhile the politicians enjoy their lives. Most of the time, they don't send their children.

What does a soldier die for? An abstract ideal? A politician's promise?

Think very carefully. How many wars were truly worth fighting? How many could have been avoided by wiser leaders?

And why are the deaths of "our side" valiant and bittersweet while the deaths of "their side" are just plain necessary?

Life Without Fear

As a baby boomer, I had many advantages over later generations. We were the last children to grow up without fear of dying.

Cars didn't have seat belts. Infant and toddler car seats hadn't been invented. We didn't worry about getting too much sun or an occasional mosquito bite. We played outside until dark--climbing trees, riding bikes (without helmets), playing ball. And if a kid was the last to be picked for a team, well, that's life.

I tell my children to wear seat belts and bike helmets, and most of them rode in car seats (though my youngest screamed from the time he went in until the time I took him out). I obey these rules because they're part of the current wisdom. But sometimes I feel like I'm taking something away from my children.

I just read that elementary schools in several cities have banned the game of tag because some children get upset. My guess is that these are only children, coddled by their parents and possessing little reference to real life. When you grow up with siblings, you learn how to roll with the punches (figuratively speaking--though my boys do wrestle on occasion).

I hated dodgeball. I wasn't fast enough and I was always out first. I wasn't crazy about Red Rover and I was the kid who got picked last for teams. At the time, these things didn't make me happy, but I think they made me stronger. As I grew older, I found other ways--through writing and public speaking--to be a winner.

If children are raised in a completely antiseptic household, their bodies don't learn how to resist bacteria. If children are raised in a completely antiseptic society, their spirits don't learn resilience.

I have spent much of my life teaching and loving children. But I have never coddled them. I value their lives, and I want them to learn as much as they can. They need to live, not just exist.

Thou Shalt Not Kill

Some of the Ten Commandments were difficult for me to understand when I first learned them as a child. Adultery, false witness, and coveting made no sense to me then. But I always understood the commandment I was taught as the Fifth. Don't kill.

It sounds simple enough. I never had murderous intentions toward anyone. Killing is bad, awful, terrible, and just plain wrong. What's to understand?

The problem is in the nuances. Does this commandment refer to abortion or capital punishment? What about war--or can war be justified with the right type of propaganda? How does this apply to mercy killings? Wouldn't it be better to put a sick person out of his misery?

The commandment doesn't deal with these shades of right and wrong. The meaning is clear. Do not kill. Simple enough.

Children have clear vision of such matters, and they can understand. What has happened to the adults?

Valuing Life

“…if any one slew a person - unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land - it would be as if he slew the whole people: and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people." Qur'an 5.32

(First a note. 'Spreading mischief in the land' is akin to inciting rebellion or treason. Serious crimes.)

Muslims believe--at least those Muslims who read and follow the Qur'an--that, as the verse states, killing one person is like killing all humanity. Murder and mayhem are not part of Islam.

That doesn't stop some from committing these acts in the name of Islam. Those who do this are ignorant of the religion or are working for personal motives, even if they claim otherwise.

Three thousand died in the World Trade Center. Hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians have been killed. In both instances, the innocents have lost their lives to the selfish motives of others. Just one of those lives equalled the value of humanity.

I am pro-life. I am anti-abortion. I am also anti-war. I often wonder at those who call themselves pro-life and yet continue to support wars.

Life is beyond measure. Ask the father of the one-year old who died at a Gaza checkpoint yesterday. (I can't imagine seeing my child die in my arms.)

And no life is more valuable than any other life. There is no race, citizenship or ethnicity in death.

Acts of Kindness

These are things we never forget. Sometimes it can be as simple as an encouraging word or help with a package.

I was the recipient of a special act of kindness from my mother and sisters last weekend. The thing is, I have food allergies. There are certain types of foods I can eat, and some I won't touch. Recently, one brand of food, which I had eaten for years without problem, changed the ingredients. This particular food was nutritious and had enough calories to keep my weight up. (I want to know why there are never any magazine articles about how to gain weight, but that's another topic altogether.)

The ingredients had been changed very recently--within the last two months. So my mother and sisters set out to find some of the old boxes of this non-perishable food to help me out and tide me over until I could find a suitable alternative. The search included tw.o different states. And by the end of the weekend, they had scrounged up over forty boxes of the old, unaltered variety.

Forty boxes will last me for months. Meanwhile, I'm working to meet these food allergies head on and conquer them. I'm grateful for the extra time.

And I'm very thankful for the kindness and caring of my family.

Kindergarten Lessons

When I was in kindergarten, one of my classmates had a wooden leg. As I remember, it extended up to his knee. He showed it to some of us once. I think someone said he got it in a car accident.

The details are fuzzy--that was over 40 years ago. But I don't remember anyone making fun of him. We knew it wasn't right. Our parents had taught us to be kind.

Sometime in the 80s or 90s, "political correctness" came into being. It started out as a positive idea which sometimes becomes monstrous, eating all in its path. People weren't being kind, so kindness had to be enforced through social sanctions and even the enacting of new laws.

I went to kindergarten in 1961 and we didn't know anything about political correctness. But we knew how to be kind.

I think many of us have grown too big for our britches.

The Least of These

I was poor, I was thirsty, I was homeless, I was sick. You helped me because you helped those who were in these conditions.

This is one of the Biblical stories I learned as child. Helping the needy, rather than turning away from them, brings tremendous rewards. (Excuse me for my very liberal paraphrasing.)

There are many such lessons in the Bible. The Good Samaritan helped a man when others, thought to be higher in social rank, would not. Jesus instructed his followers to "turn the other cheek." He also is reported to have said, "The meek shall inherit the earth."

Being kind isn't always easy. Those who are poor and homeless make us uncomfortable. The sick and disabled remind us of our own frailties. It's easier to just live our own lives and keep walking, like the Pharisees.

But we are expected to help those who have nothing. We aren't kind because we expect a reward. We're kind because kindness is what's right.

Small Kindnesses

There's a chapter in the Qur'an called Small Kindnesses. One of the verses is "Woe to the worshipper."

What? Isn't worship a good thing? Isn't that what gets us into heaven?

The verses continue. "Woe to the worshipper who wishes to be seen by men but forgets small kindnesses." (I'm writing this from memory--the translation may be off by a word or two.)

We all know about that. Pious people who build large mosques or churches while othes starve. Islam doesn't condone this. No religious belief does. Unfortunately, sometimes religious leaders do.

I kept reading online headlines today about the death of Leona Helmsley, who apparently earned the nickname "the queen of mean." What an awful way to be remembered. I'm sure she did good things in her life--she must have--but this is her "eulogy."

My father was nice. He always joked that "nice guys finish last." That's okay. I would rather be poor as long as I'm remembered as being kind.

When Will They Ever Learn?

So, where have all the flowers gone?

(Another cultural reference from a baby boomer, and a powerful one. If you're not sure what I mean, look it up.)

Education and Cultural Context

It's hot here. I hear it got up to 101 today. It's so hot that I feel like I'm in the middle of a Tennessee Williams play.

If I use that reference in my home, I don't think my husband and sons will understand. The boys have studied some literature, but I don't know if they've covered Tennessee Williams. My husband is from southeast Asia and even after many years in the U.S. that's the culture he knows.

Knowledge isn't just a conglomeration of facts and figures. Our experiences, both cultural and personal, add color and depth to our knowledge. Sometimes I like to get down with my fellow baby boomers, you know? We know how to groove and we understand what's happening. And nobody wants to be a square.

The cultural impact on knowledge is seen most often in standardized tests. I've seen it especially in the social studies section, though the pictures for the early elementary students can also be misleading. I remember one question--What is the oldest religion? My Muslim students answered as they were taught. Islam is the oldest religion because it is submission to the Creator. The correct answer, of course, was Hinduism. So when the results were tabulated my students lost one point right there.

We teach as we have been taught. And all of us are teachers. We influence our coworkers, our neighbors, even our friends.

Cultural context is something we need to watch out for. It will help us avoid conflicts and ridiculous arguments over trivial matters.

If we don't we will never speak the same language.

Education and Religion

In many societies, education has been viewed as a religious, or even spiritual, exercise.

This is certainly true in Islam. The first word of the Qur'an, which Muslims believe to have been revealed, is "Read!" Muhammad encouraged people to seek knowledge, if even they had to go to China (and, of course, there were no planes back then).

Religious followers have been accused of blindly and ignorantly stumbling behind their leaders. Many do. But faith is better, and stronger, if it is accompanied by knowledge.

Education

Today was the first day of school here in Lexington. Last week my boys faced the exhilaration of buying new supplies, new clothes, and new shoes. Today they had to face reality.

At the end of the day, both were happy to be home. The first day of school somehow doesn't measure up to the expectations.

Because I was raised in this country, as a youth I didn't value formal education. I loved to read, write, and explore on my own, but the thought of sitting behind a desk failed to thrill me. It wasn't until I met my (future) husband that I thought about what education really means.

He was raised in Thailand where schooling is much more competitive. He craved formal learning. At first I didn't understand that. But in Thailand, as in many other nations, education is not a given. The young person must earn the right to go to school and pass through the different levels.

I've tried to explain all this to my sons. The older ones get it. The younger ones still feel as if they're being tortured by homework and equations. After all, they're Americans.

There has been much talk about educational reform in this country. Standardized testing is definitely not the answer. I know there must be a better way.

(And, personally, I think August 13 is way too early to be going back to school.)

Avoiding Hypocrisy

Muhammad said there are three signs of the hypocrite:

1. When he (she) speaks, he lies.

2. When he (she) makes a promise, he breaks it.

3. When he (she) is given a responsibility (a trust), he betrays the trust.

A true Muslim speaks the truth, keeps promises, and fulfills responsibilities.

I try to remember this daily. Hypocrisy is certainly not something to strive for!

Excuses and Downright Lies

I heard them often when I was a teacher. "My printer ran out of ink." "My computer wouldn't work." "My parents were out visiting people all weekend and they made me come too." "There's no one to take me to the library." It was an Islamic school so there were no dogs available to eat the homework. Usually it was the computer's fault, though sometimes the parents were to blame. Never the student, of course.

It would be nice if this type of behavior were simply an adolescent phase. But my guess is that many of my students had parents who also made excuses. "My car broke down." "The baby was sick." "We had relatives visiting from overseas." As I got to know the families, I could tell which were downright lies. Some--students and parents--chronically lied.

It doesn't stop there, either. Ask someone in Congress why he or she voted for the war against Iraq. Many excuses. Ask someone in the White House why the war was started in the first place. Many lies.

My father was easy going, for the most part, but one of his frequent sayings was "No excuses." That annoyed me when I was young. I've since learned to appreciate his attitude.

Being a responsible adult, or a responsible student, means accepting responsibility for your actions.

No Excuses. (Thanks, Dad.)

Who's Responsible?

The collapse of a major bridge in Minneapolis last week finally made the media, politicians, and American public pay attention to the crumbling infrastructure in this country. Though, I'm sure, most average Americans have already noticed that.

So now there are grand plans to build the Minneapolis bridge in record time. What about the thousands of others throughout this country which are also substandard? Will it take another accident and more lives being lost?

In the 1950s, when I was born and Eisenhower was president, the U.S. had a "can do" attitude. The new national highway system made it possible to drive from coast to coast. "See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet." Trains played an important role in transporting goods and people. The bridges were new and the country had a spirit of hope which extended into the next decade.

Now people are depressed. The infrastructure is depressed. They tell us that even household pets are depressed. Optimism sprouts like grass through a concrete sidewalk, only to be cut down far too often. There are good things still happening in this country, at the grass roots level. There has been no real good news out of Washington D.C. for a very long time.

So who is responsible? The people? Or the current Republican president who, unlike Eisenhower, destroys rather than builds?

I'm not sure how much more abuse this country can weather.

Taking Responsibility

Responsibility is an essential value among Muslims. We are taught that everyone has something for which he or she is responsible, whether it's the mother who's responsible for her children or the doctor who's responsible for the patients.

Imagine if everyone in a society took his or her responsibility seriously. There would be no neglect of duty. Those who depend on others would not go wanting. Families and institutions would run smoothly.

It's a utopian vision, of course. In reality, family members might be neglected or abused. Students might fail to learn from lazy teachers. Governments might fail to function under self-centered politicians.

But we can always imagine how things should be, and strive for this.

Staying Hopeful

I hope the U.S. pulls the troops out of Iraq sometime during my life time.

I hope Afghanistan finally becomes stabilized, after more than 30 years of political instability and outright war.

I hope the world wakes up to the plight of Palestine.

I hope that, in the future, this country has a president who cares more about infrastructure than about building bombs.

I have many hopes. I can't do anything about the ones I've just listed. They are more like wishes and dreams.

But I also hope my sons all grow up to be good husbands and fathers, and productive members of society.

I hope my grandchildren are raised with manners and morals.

I hope my writing will make a positive impact on those who read my works.

These I can do something about. I have some control. That's what I can work toward.

In terms of the rest. . .I'll keep praying.

Prompted by Hope

Hope causes people to attempt difficult feats.

Someone once said that the most amazing thing about childbirth is that any woman does it more than once. Hope, or maybe a really bad memory, causes the mother to have more children and build up her family.

Hope prompts athletes, students, and (we hope) leaders. Not blind optimism but cautious anticipation of something better.

Hope produces paintings, sculptures, symphonies, and novels. The artist slaves away day after day, usually in solitary, with the goal of reaching and inspiring others.

And hope brings me back to writing my blog every Monday through Thursday. Every day I look anxiously for comments. There are few. But I hope someone is reading and benefitting from my words.

Imagine where the world would be without hope.

Always Hope

"My hopes are not always realized, but I always hope." Ovid

How many hopes and dreams did you have when you were child? Did you want to be famous or rich? Did you imagine yourself surrounded by a loving family? Did you build your dream house in your mind?

How many childhood hopes and dreams came true? Are you working at a dead-end job where even the boss doesn't know your name? Do you come home to a quiet apartment? Are you still stuck in the same house you've lived in for the past thirty years and the roof leaks?

We can hope and plan, but our dreams often don't come true. I wanted to be one of the first female MLB umpires. I wanted to have a farm full of dogs and horses. I imagined myself answering questions on a popular talk show.

I'm a writer, not an umpire. I live in a state full of horses--does that count? I have done small interviews. My childhood hopes haven't turned out as I expected, but I've replaced them with something more practical and attainable.

As long as there is life, there is hope. Always hope.

The Necessity of Hope

Much is being made of the Iraqi soccer victory. Some suggest that this will heal a broken country.

I know soccer is important in many countries of the world, but I doubt it has the power to erase the ravages of war. It's not that potent. The victory does, however, bring hope.

All human beings need hope. Without it, we can cease to function. We need to be able to look for a better day, a better future. We can tolerate brief periods of bleakness, but not an everlasting hopelessness.

Hope can be found on many different levels of life. It may be as simple as seeing a bird or a flower, or seeing a rainbow after a storm. It could be dramatic, such as the arrival of a new baby. Hope happens every day in many different ways. Often we're too busy to recognize the gift.

Soccer can't end a war or stop the suffering of a people. But a victory can bring hope to a people who have been oppressed for many years. And hope can take root.

Truth, Honesty, Integrity

An honest man's the noblest work of God. Alexander Pope

From Aesop to As the World Turns, stories often revolve around the consequences of deceit. Although lying seems to be expedient, honesty always wins in the end.

That's fine for literature and entertainment. What about real life?

Does the honest man get ahead while the dishonest is justly punished? Or does the dishonest man have more wealth and more power? Is honesty rewarded?

There are the heartwarming stories about a middle schooler or a cabbie returning thousands of dollars of money or goods. Are these the norm or only the exception?

Politicians lie to get elected. Businessmen cheat on their taxes. If these were only stereotypes, we wouldn't have a culture in which young people lie and cheat as well. They learn what they see.

I grew up hearing about the wonderful values of honestry and integrity. Can these be real, or is that just another fable?

Truth? Why not?

I have a question. Why do so many people lie, cheat, and steal?

Really, tell me why. I don't understand. Did no one teach them to be honest when they were children? Have they never learned that bad actions have worse consequences? Are they truly so self-absorbed that they don't care how they affect the rest of us?

I grew up in an honest family. My parents ingrained that value in me from an early age, both by words and by their own actions. I expected others to be honest. I wasn't truly disappointed in this until I became a teacher.

There were times when I wondered if some of my students had been abandoned at an early age and left to raise themselves. Some told lies easily, even transparent lies. Many tried to cheat on tests, and nearly all of my students tried plagiarizing reports and copying homework from their friends. And I don't want to talk about theft. Teachers knew we couldn't leave our purses in the classroom. Even if they were locked in our desks, a few students knew how to get past locks. Even worse, they were happy to tell others about their prowess. My own children learned how to pick locks--though they were severely warned never to use their new-found skill.

Dishonesty is one reason--a very large reason, actually--why I will never teach anyone below the college level again. Dishonesty does not exist only in the classroom, of course. Several months ago I woke up one morning to find my laptop, cell phone, and $200 (which had been in my purse) missing. I asked my son to call the police because I was too upset. Nothing was ever solved or recovered. Thefts occured on a daily basis, the typical loot being laptops, cell phones, and cash. The police were too busy to care.

Of course, the lack of honesty extends to the highest levels of government. We expect politicians to lie to us, and are amazed when they consistently tell the truth. Their lies have cost lives.

But telling the truth is much easier than lying. I think everyone should try it.

What is Truth?

According to a well-known Bible verse, Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life."

So what is truth?

For a Christian, that answer is easy. Jesus is the truth. But what about the rest of us?

This is where examination of the source comes in. As a Muslim, do I believe any part of the Bible? Can I pick and choose? What are my criterion? How do I reconcile this verse with what I believe to be true?

And is truth objective? Is there a universal truth which will ultimately be recognized by all? Or is truth subjective, as many would contend? Does your truth differ from my truth because of our individual experiences?

So many more questions than answers. Defining truth is a very difficult undetaking.

Truth

"It is He who created the heavens and the earth in true (proportions): the day He saith, 'Be,' behold! it is. His word is the truth. His will be the dominion the day the trumpet will be blown. He knoweth the unseen as well as that which is open. For He is the Wise, well acquainted (with all things). "

In 1979 I picked up a paperback copy of the Qur'an, in English translation of course, at a local bookstore. I was a student of religion and I intended to find the errors. This verse spoke to me. Eighteen months later I converted.

What is truth? It's the eternal question, especially for philosophers and philosophy majors ( like me). I could discuss this question for hours and walk away scratching my head.

When I found Islam, I believe I found the truth. Others would disagree.

In the twenty-six years since my conversion, I have continued to struggle to separate truth from falsehood. It's a daily challenge.

Family Times

I was looking through some old pictures this evening. When my husband and I were married. When our children were small. When we were young.

The moments are gone. All we have are photographed memories to supplement those in our minds. And we have the stories. All families have stories.

It seems strange to look at my three oldest when they were tiny. Now they are all in their twenties. They're men. And the bond we nurtured when they were small now maintain our relationship, keeping us close.

We don't need the photographs. Not really. We have the memories. And we have a common language, a common history. These are stronger than pieces of paper. These will last throughout our lives.

The greatest part of our family story isn't the past, but the present and the hopes for a future together.

Defining Family

When I was young, a family was a mother, a father, and their two or three children. That traditional definition has been severely challenged over the last twenty years. What about single parents? What about people raising their grandchildren? There are many other examples.

I looked to see how our "greatest minds" defined the family. My favorite definition comes from Ogden Nash:

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

I think that sums it up very nicely.

Parents

"Honor thy father and thy mother, that it may be well for thee and thou mayest live long on the earth." I memorized this, the fourth commandment according to Martin Luther, when I was in grade school. We made cute art projects for Mother's Day and Father's Day in order to show our honor.

"Paradise is at the feet of the mother." This was a saying of Muhammad. I heard it many years ago, and I still have a hard time getting my mind around it. Picture a young child, though, holding on to his mother's skirt or cuddling safe in her mother's arms. That is paradise.

We grow up and often forget about the warm fuzzy feelings we had for our parents. We become involved in raising our own children. Our parents are old. We're busy. We send cards and flowers for Mother's Day and Father's Day.

It is so very easy to lose sight of what is most important.

Family Peace

Peace in the family is always a good place to start. As the mother of six, I strongly believe that the home, more than any other influence, shapes the child. Not to say that my kids haven't been affected by other sources. They have. Kids are.

Islam has strict guidelines for family living. One of the strangest, for this day and age, is the strong emphasis put upon obedience to parents. In many Muslim families, the parents dictate what their children will study in college and even whom they will marry (though, in strict Islamic teaching, the parent cannot force a son or daughter to marry).

My boys feel conflicted sometimes on this point. They've been raised in a country where children make their own choices, sometimes even as early as 14 or 16. But they follow a religion which dictates obedience. So far, they've been able to peacefully resolve every conflict between these two very different cultures.

Not only must children obey their parents, but wives must obey their husbands. Most Americans will scream at this concept. When I first heard it, as a new Muslim, I was taken aback. But it makes sense. In any setting, someone must be in charge. Women--mothers--have so many obligations. There are times, such as in late pregnancy and after childbirth, when we're nearly incapitated. (Forget about all those stories of women giving birth in the fields. I think they must be fairy tales.) And the way I explain it to my grown sons, tongue firmly in cheek, is that women already do so much work so the men have to do something! For the record, my husband has never been a dictator. A good Muslim husband respects his wife, he doesn't enslave her.

In a nutshell, that's what Islam says about the family. A few simple rules which provide guidelines and structure. For the rest of this week I'll be looking at different aspects of the modern American family.

BTW, do you know what your children are doing?