Between Parent and Child

Last night I was too tired to post. The day had been fairly busy.

One of my errands yesterday was to take my 14-year old for a physical check-up so he can go out for track and field. Because we just moved this summer I had to take him to a new doctor. Overall, the check-up went well.

But I was surprised--though I suppose I shouldn't have been--when the doctor kept harping on drugs and alcohol. He asked my son a few times if he had ever tried these substances, and before we left he told my son that if he did have a problem he could come to the doctor and speak with him confidentially.

I don't know what kind of patients this doctor has been seeing, but I'm not in denial when I say he didn't need to address my son in this way. This is my fifth child I'm talking about so, first of all, I do have a little experience raising teens. Also, we have a very close family. My kids complain about that sometimes--especially when they hit 19 or 20--but we're so close that we would know if something was wrong. And, considering that neither my husband nor I has ever drunk or smoked--okay, I drank communion wine when I was a Christian, and I did try a cigarette once when I was in college--and our older sons don't either, the likelihood that this son will is very low. Finally, he's only 14. I know kids grow up faster these days but. . .he's 14.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I know where my son is at all times. I've memorized his class schedule, and actually walked it during open house. He goes to school and comes back by bus. If he doesn't show up, the school calls me. If he doesn't come home on time, I call his cell. A few weeks ago he took a different bus and wasn't home when I expected--and he didn't answer his phone. I was ready to go looking for him when he walked in. He knows I will. (I wasn't worried about drugs, etc. Sometimes I simply worry because it is a dangerous world.)

I'm sure the doctor was fulfilling a professional duty by giving my son this talk, and he may do some other kid a world of good. But I feel uneasy when a routine doctor's visit becomes a lesson in morality--especially because my son was encouraged to go behind our backs, if he deemed necessary, and talk with the doctor.

I don't fault the doctor but I do think this points to some serious problems in our society.

P.S.--I have never talked about drugs explicitly with my kids, but my 14-year old and I talked on the way home. His health teacher had already been through the lesson on drugs--okay, I didn't know that. Actually, I emphasized the practical concerns that kept me away from smoking, alcohol and drugs. I mean, it's expensive and it kills brain cells. That's enough of an argument right there, as far as I'm concerned. My son agrees.