Minding Our Ps and Qs

These days I'm on a new crusade--though I really dislike using that word, with the linguistic and historic connotations involved. My new cause is. . .manners.

I grew up in the 60s. My mother, like most mothers of that era, taught me to "sit like a lady" and "act my age". The times of my childhood was just a step past "children should be seen and not heard." I remember whispering to my mother when I wanted something while visiting--even when we were at my grandmother's house. "Please" and "thank you" were part of my vocabulary. Outside the home, at least. When we were at home I could hit my sister (but not without rebuke) and plop down on the couch. But when we went out, I knew I had to behave.

Then came the 70s. It was small things at first. Easing of the dress codes at school, for instance. When I was in 9th grade, I met with the superintendent of our school district and asked him to consider letting girls wear jeans to school. Those days, we had a choice of either dresses or those horrible pastel-colored polyester pants suits. So, at first, it was just jeans. Now, of course, it's "anything goes." I've heard that the latest craze is wearing pajamas to school.

So in the 70s we did small things to challenge the establishment. Just a light easing of the rules and restrictions surrounding us. Contrary to what my sons' generation thinks, not all of us smoked pot. In fact, no one I knew did. We listened to our transistor radios, bought LPs and got really excited if our parents decided to buy a color TV. We lugged our books to school in our arms because bookbags hadn't been invented yet. We stayed up late to watch our favorite old movies because videos and DVDs were still decades away. We rebelled in small ways, like clapping at the streaker who ran across the football field. Some of us, those who were older, went out and protested the war. We were all happy when Nixon resigned. And once or twice I did actually write anti-war letters and send them to the White House. (I wanted to be on Nixon's enemy list.)

Most of us were good kids. We ate dinner with our parents, graduated from high school and went to college. And we always remembered to say "please" and "thank you".

Now I see that our small rebellions in the 70s led to much larger things. No more dress code. No more civic-mindedness. And no more manners.

There are still some "good" kids who remember to say "please" and "thank you". But for every good kid there seems to be five who demand their rights, expect adults to earn their respect and refuse to do anything until they know what's in it for them. I know they're out there. I teach some of them.

I don't want to return to "the good old days". The days when the White House was occupied by conservative (and somewhat paranoid) Republicans and the U.S. fought an unpopular war overseas. The days when anti-war protesters were arrested and black men were beaten by p0lice officers. No, in my days of middle-age I continue to hope for something better than that.

But I sure would like to return to a society where parents teach their children to be polite.